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Dating 101: Eight Ways to Spot a Dishonest Date
Dating 101: Eight Ways to Spot a Dishonest Date
Chances are you're being lied to multiple times a day. It happens not only at work and with your friends and family, but in the intimate arena of love and dating, whether it's a first date or someone you are forming an exciting new relationship with.
Imagine this:
 During
a 10-minute conversation, people told an average of
two to three lies
Telling lies is a normal part of everyday life. People tell small
lies to make themselves more likable or to spare other people's
feelings.
However, it's when the lying gets out of hand that it becomes
harmful to a budding relationship. If someone you are dating
repeatedly lies to you for their own personal gain, you need to be
aware of it. By becoming a better lie detector, you can prevent
others from taking advantage of you, both literally and emotionally.
Here are eight ways to spot a liar:
1. Eyes aflutter. When people lie, their blink rate tends
to go up.
2. The eyes have it. Conventional wisdom says that liars
don't look you directly in the eye. And sometimes this is the case.
However, research shows that practiced liars will actually give you
more eye contact than people telling the truth!
3. Frankly, my dear. People who lie often feel the need to
draw your attention to their trustworthiness. They may preface
statements with words like "honestly," "frankly," and "truthfully."
They're also likely to make assertions such as "I would never lie to
you" and "I'm not lying."
4. Cool and casual. Most people expect liars to be nervous,
but practiced liars know how to act casual while weaving a web. They
may have their feet up or be slumped down in a chair as the lies
flow.
5. Behind the smile. A liar's smile is different from a
truth-teller's smile. According to research, true "enjoyment smiles"
are so big and bright that you'll notice a crinkle around the eyes.
These authentic smiles last for less than five seconds. The "masking
smile," or lie smile, tends to last longer than five seconds,
doesn't involve the eyes, has a hint of negative emotion, and may be
crooked.
6. Sticking to it.
Good
liars stick to the true parts of their story as much
as possible and insert lies at key points.
7. Derailed by details. Liars often try to divert you from
their falsehoods by detailing you to death. They'll get you so
bogged down by the minutiae of the story that you lose track of what
they're saying or you get tired of listening. Never hesitate to ask
for clarification if the story seems confusing or doesn't add up.
8. It's not me, it's you! If you catch someone in a lie,
they'll frequently try to turn it back on you. "You must be crazy. I
never said that!" or "You must have memory loss because that's not
the way it happened."
What do you do when you suspect someone you're dating is repeatedly
lying to you? In order to feel more secure in the relationship, let
them know that even though the truth can hurt, you want to deal with
things honestly and openly. The truth will ultimately be better than
losing trust and being devastated by lies.
The more people lie and get away with it, the more lies they tell. Stop the cycle by confronting the lies!
Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C., the "Date Doctor," is a psychotherapist and author of "Profiling Your Date: A Smart Woman's Guide to Evaluating a Man." Find her online at ProfilingYourDate.com.
Disclaimer: The above article is not an interpretation of social behavior by "Agency Investigations LLC) as it pertains to 'Men'. It is strictly for informational/entertainment purposes only and is the sole property of Hearst Communications, Inc. Agency Investigations LLC shall not be held liable for its content or the actions of those who read this and feel worse than they did 2 minutes ago.
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